And so it is 3 months into 2010 and despite planning to make it the best yet, without men getting in the way, stress, exams etc etc. This has failed. I already, have endulged in 4 men this year, most of which, for once, have decided to stick around for a bit, butter me up, fill my mind and inbox with words at the time, I liked. Some have left, leaving me wanting them. Of course. Other's have stuck around, when I'd rather they didn't. Some change their mind and want me when they are bored and the last, still here.. a year later, and bloody hell, is it getting old. I don't know why I do it, I really don't. I don't know how I handle it. Again, I don't. It's boring. All of this. It is 3 months into 2010 and despite planning to make it the best yet, without men getting in the way, I don't think there has ever been a year where men have been more up my arse, leaving me confused and stuck in a hole I do not wish to be in. Just chose. It's not that easy.
What else for the last 3 months?
Rehearsed for a show. Had no life. Got drunk. Had sex. Got a few numbers. Got more drunk. Slept it off. Been ill. Been sick. Had coursework, the size of my boobs. Met new men. Liked new men. Lost new men. Stuck with my friend. Got results, found out I failed. Found out I got an A. Cried about men. Thought about men. Text my men. My men left me. Went on facebook. Had hour long phonecalls. Got hit by paintballs. Slept on the floor. Slept on the couch. Ate like a bitch. Bitched about a bitch. Wished I had a car. Wished I could drive. Wished I was rich. Got a job. Quit show. Got more drunk. Reminised. Got stressed about more coursework. Text a man. Waited for a text from a man. Realised that man didn't want me. Realised I'm stuck with a man I don't want. Watched a few films. Attempted to make a film. Attempting to stay sober. Failing at that. Sleeping. Also failing at that. Getting excited about babies. Realising if I had a baby I wouldn't live. Realising even without a baby, I still haven't lived. Realising in my easter holidays, I will be revising. Remembered the time, I had to revise and had no life. Remembered the time when I didn't have to revise and still had no life. Looking at pictures and thinking,
fuck, I love my life.
