if we were a movie.

"Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there." — Sarah Dessen Being ill, has allowed me to sit and ponder at the different aspects in my life. It has allowed me to think and reminisce about all the good and bad times, smiling and laughing at those I hope to remember forever, and closing the memories I wish to forget. It has allowed me to reevaluate everything in my life currently, and inspired me to wish for better things, instead of leading life with, "I can't,I won't,I should" We do it often. We watch a few inspiring films about love and friendship and not taking life for granted, achieving dreams and over coming a fear or burden that keeps up grounded. But who told us we had to keep our feet on the ground? Forever, is a long time. Probably too long, in my books. And though, I am a young woman of many thoughts, many dreams and many doubts, I intend to see a forever. My forever. I'm used to watching things die, which at the mere age of 17, is a shame and it saddens even myself to feel like there is no hope for any of us. And lately, as the sun shines, and I wish for the summer and the end of exams and for everything to be great again, I think, "Who am I? Where am I going with this life of mine? What do I wish to remember?" I wish to write wise words, and sing great songs, read great books and make great memories. But all of a sudden, this has become difficult. I don't recognise the road I am driving along. Nor do feel hopeful that in time, I shall find my way again. All I know is, I am a girl. Who is no longer afraid. I will face everything that blocks my way with a confident notion that perhaps, one day, I will look back at my life, and think, "Hey, some things don't last forever, but some things do" I will then return to my garden overlooking a river somewhere in this world, turn to him, smile a half hearted smile, close my eyes and dream everything was like a movie. And that this would be the end.

who needs men, when we have Buble?

despite.

Despite: the shit.
the men.
the exams.
the lack of family.
the lack of will.
the lack to choose.
the fact, that life, for me, for everyone, is non-existent currently.
the fact I have a problem saying yes and no.
the fact I can have him, but hesitant to have just that.


...i love my fucking life and everything in it. even the flaws.
shame it takes me a while to remember :)